Fear and Trembling on an SSSSSSSS to the Philippines

The other day I needed to fly to the Philippines, on a Semi-Serious, Silly Secret Squirrel Sauce Southern Soujourn (SSSSSSSS).  I had only been to the Philippines twice before, once for a few days when I was eleven and my family was heading back to our home in Thailand after two years there and two months of home leave – ah, the good old days!  The second time was in about 1999 and I was on a three-day course in Manila on how to write a license application to a government agency, for setting up a cellular phone system.

What I remember from trip one was the massive American Military Cemetery, with thousands of white crosses, and my father getting very excited when we were driving past a golf course, and we happened to see a famous golfer make an impossible shot from a sand bunker right into the hole.  My dad immediately deserted me and my mom and our plans for the day, and bought a ticket to the tournament.

All I remember from trip two was the horrific traffic, when it took two hours to go four miles from the airport to the hotel, in a heat wave in an unairconditioned taxi.

I wasn’t that keen to go back, but it seemed necessary, due to the Ss above.  I had a lot of concerns about the trip; these were exit tickets, carryon luggage, the traffic, and life in prison.  Let me explain.

My trip required about 47 days in-country, but tourists are only allowed to stay for 30 days.  Various experts and websites including United Airlines and Philippine Immigration said that without proof of an exit flight within the 30 days, I would not be allowed to get on the flight at Dulles!  What to do?  I was told by a local contact that I should “rent” a one-way ticket out from Manila to Hong Kong, scheduled for about 25 days after my arrival, for $18 USD, and then I could show that ticket at Dulles to the UAL gate agent and to the Filipino Customs and Immigration Officers in Manila.

I baulked at that, and then was told that I could buy a one-way ticket to HK for $85 USD, and then get a refund or throw away the ticket after getting a tourist visa extension of 29 days, immediately after arrival.  I thought that sounded nuts, but I did it anyway.

When I got to Dulles and later San Francisco, neither gate agent asked to see my “get out of Manila” ticket.  This, despite the fact that I had been told that UAL could be fined thousands of dollars for allowing “illegal” tourists in to the Philippines.  And when I got to Manila, I was waved through immigration with no demand to see my outbound ticket.  Within 48 hours, my local contact got me the visa extension.  We spent only 12 minutes at the Philippine Immigration HQ.  I was stunned at the speed of this bureaucratic response.  Apparently this happens hundreds of times a day – for a $40 fee.

I wanted to travel light on this trip, unlike on many of my other journeys.  I was determined to “Rick Steves” it, and go with no checked baggage.  It was tough, but I managed it, but only by carrying my laptop and many other items in my trusty Red Oxx “personal item.”  If measured carefully, this bag was ¾ of an inch outside the 9 x 10 x 17 inch UAL limit in two dimensions.  And it seemed very unlikely that it would fit under the seat in front of me.  AND, numerous online articles and the UAL website warned that these draconian measures (pun intended) would be strictly enforced and any violators would have their luggage checked and stolen, and the offenders shot at dawn.  AND my bag was very red and very noticeable, and would likely attract the attention of every UAL gate agent in the country.

But, I decided to risk all, and shield my Red Oxx with my body and a jacket while distracting the gate agents with clever repartee.

In the event, at IAD and SFO, no passengers had their carry-ons measured or weighed, everyone smiled, and I sailed through, sweating.

As mentioned, I feared the traffic.  But in the last 20 years the Manila authorities have built a number of elevated expressways, and I got from the airport to my hotel in about 25 minutes – not bad.  It wasn’t rush hour, however…

Then there was the Philippine life in prison for drugs.  No, I was not carrying dangerous drugs.  But I was carrying lots of prescribed medications and supplements – 11 in all.  Most were in official, original packaging small plastic containers.  But supplements came in huge plastic bottles 8 inches high weighing 3 pounds.  I had recanted the supplements into smaller plastic bottles that I marked by hand.

Two business days before flying I read that Philippine authorities were very strict about all kinds of drugs, and the best thing to have was a doctor’s letter listing all prescriptions and supplements.  I drafted a letter and emailed it to my “concierge” doctor.  To his credit he quickly replied with a list on his letterhead.  BUT, he deleted my carefully written description for each supplement (e.g., “CVS Fish Oil tablet once a day, a 12 mm yellowish clear capsule”) and substituted a very unhelpful version (e.g., “Fish Oil 1000 mg capsule: take 1 capsule daily by oral route”).

So, when the Philippine Customs agents and their sniffer dogs examined my luggage, I feared they would think that all my supplements were illegal drugs, and I would receive the maximum sentence of life in a Philippine prison – for taking Fish Oil, Calcium and Vitamin D-3!

I got his letter Friday afternoon and I was flying early Monday morning; it was too late to fix his missive.

In the event, I sailed through Philippine Customs.  All the agents were chatting among themselves, and no one was searched and no sniffer dogs were present.  Oddly enough, at the local Holiday Inn I did encounter a sniffer dog, but apparently he didn’t care about Fish Oil.

So why did I go to the Philippines and risk all this?  Ahhh, check out the fourth “S” above.  Someday I will be able to tell all.